The Country Mice

Trebuchet. Onager. Ballista.

If you can read these words, thank a history teacher.

And if you know their definition, you were a better student than I.

Deep in the dark recesses of our cavernous garage (cavernous because the garage has not yet discerned its true calling; my poor 1982 convertible hunches outside, sulking in the rain) a workshop of medieval proportions takes place.

The workers toil over their hand-hewn lumber, wrenched from the unwilling ground, and gouged with tools forged from the fire of the blacksmith.

No modern conveniences here in this ninth century grotto.

Yeah.

In the spirit of scientific research, Homeboy elected to construct two of the above mentioned castle-sacking devices. The onager, in progress above, was used to great success by the Romans during their successful pillage over much of Europe. The original onager was a donkey — an untameable creature which defeated its attackers by bucking stones at its enemy with its hind legs.

Hence, a catapult named after a donkey, hurtling stones and boulders toward the advancing troops or the castle walls.

A completed catapult of a different sort currently guards the entrance to our home.

The trebuchet originated in China but was later modified in England. Hugely popular during the Crusades, the trebuchet’s shining moment in history was its most effective use during Henry II’s conquest of Scotland’s Stirling Castle.

Homeboy uses chunks of rock as his projectiles but for historic accuracy, he really ought to be employing deceased cows, horses and, I am told, the occasional unlucky messenger.

Look directly above the sling to see a yellowish object of destruction

As the custodial guardian of this child, I admit to taking cover behind doors and inside houses. So far no casualties but weren’t the rack and the iron maiden in operation around the same time? Can’t say I trust the technology.

The plan for the science project is to compare at least two of the catapults and ignoring what the history books say has been the most effective (hint: starts with ‘T’), Homeboy will test the distance and damage inflicted by each instrument of carnage.

*sigh*

My little boy…

* Look out behind you!